


Listen Before I Go

by frecklendimples (real_phy)



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Cute, Fluff and Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 10:46:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18849496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/real_phy/pseuds/frecklendimples
Summary: It wasn’t rainbows and sunshine when Felix decided that. He was actually a bit broken all throughout the process. He met Chan when he was just freshly moping over his one day-old ex, his bags heavy under his eyes as he tries not to break down into a crying mess every now and then. It was his 15th ex probably and he’s almost convinced that nobody was made for him, enter Christopher Bang.





	Listen Before I Go

**Author's Note:**

> Hi your reality-based author is back at it again after having their own heartbreak! Ah, you always do the things when you're hurt. It's my first fanfiction for this fandom and I'm a huge aussie line shipper like damn, the two makes my heart flutter so bad I just want them to cling onto each other so hard. For more heartbreak listen to the following:  
> Billie Eilish - I love you and Listen Before I go  
> Kina - Can we Kiss Forever
> 
> Enjoy the rest of the fic!   
> Rated T because both aussies curse a lot, heckie.

**8:30 PM May 8, 2019**

“It was the stupidest thing I did!”

He could hear the faint voice right in front of him but Felix wasn’t paying attention to any of it at all, his gaze busy trailing over Chan’s features.

“Yeah?” He retorts, pretending to listen to the other babbling over some stupid thing he did when he was in 5th grade or something like that.

Felix had thought about it in a while, and was completely aware of how he’s breaking his rules _once and for all._ He clearly remembered how he yelled in Chan’s arms about how _“feelings are bullshit! Men ain’t it!”_ but that’s what love does. It fucks you up over and over again, Felix didn’t even realize that he’s slowly melting as he stares into the elder’s eyes, palm pressed against his cheek as a smile made its way to his lips.

“What’s with the look?” Chan said out of nowhere, elbowing the younger as he sees the way Felix looks at him.

_Shit. Fuck._

Felix takes a deep breath, blinking as he was broken from his trance, sweating at his panicked state. “Listen.” He starts, his heart thundering loudly against his chest. “Fuck.” He chuckles, accent heavy on his tongue as his eyes wander everywhere but Chan. “I just remembered how stupid I was back then too, you reminded me of myself.” Felix breathes, mustering his most believable ‘laughing’ look but Chan looks unconvinced, face relaxed before a grin curls up on his lips.

“Yeah? Duh, we’re bros for life.” Chan snickers, flicking Felix’s forehead. _Yeah, bros for life._ Felix exasperatedly repeats in his head. “Okay Felix, fuck you, get over it. What’s on your mind?” Chan finally states, his expression reading ‘lie to me and you’re a dead meat’.

“You’ll hate me for this.” Felix looks down, laughing nervously as he toys with the hem of his hoodies, blonde hair falling over his eyes.

“I’d never hate you man, what’s up?” Chan repeats, arms crossed over his chest as he leans against the table, the steam of coffee coming from Felix’s cup noticeable.

“You see. I-“ Felix halts momentarily before continuing with a stutter.

“I like you.”

 

**5:30 AM January 25, 2019**

It wasn’t rainbows and sunshine when Felix decided that. He was actually a bit _broken_ all throughout the process. He met Chan when he was just freshly moping over his one day-old ex, his bags heavy under his eyes as he tries not to break down into a crying mess. It was his 15th ex probably and he’s almost convinced that _nobody_ was made for him, enter Christopher Bang.

A guy 3 years older than him, with his stupid childish adorable smile, and his lame humor. It wasn’t hard to befriend him. Felix was naturally clingy, touchy and overall annoying and he almost thought it would drive Chan away from him but no it only made Chan grew louder and louder around him. Chan felt like _home._

It’s hilarious how both became closer because of deep talks about their exes. Felix met Chan even before Chan broke up with his ex. In the very beginning of their early friendship days. Felix knew how in love Chan was over his boyfriend. It was cute and sometimes Felix envied him, how he could have those romantic moments that Felix had been dying over to experience, yet even with his 15th boyfriend he ain’t got any shit.

Until one day Felix called Chan because he was exactly 15 minutes late for their cinema night, but the elder isn’t answering even with his 21st missed call, and on the 22nd he got lucky when he heard a groggy. “Hey” and Felix knew something was up. “Chris? What’s wrong?” Felix whispers against the phone, being extra careful with Chris.

“Men ain’t it, Lix.” Chris states, before continuing with a strained laugh.

_Oh._

Felix breathes, brain fried at the suddenness of the events. He’s totally not hearing his best friend go pliant and weak over a break-up. “I’ll be there in five.” Felix states, getting on his feet as he hailed a cab.

“Love you lix.” Chan softly murmurs.

 

He saw how vulnerable Chan was, and Felix on that very day vowed to himself never to see Chan like that ever again. He literally looked like the phone emoticon ☹ and it broke Felix’s heart, and made it bleed.

**11:51 PM May 6, 2019**

Weeks and months passed by a blur, and the two were inseparable that people even started saying they’re talking alike, looking alike ( _“Fuck, y’all even both have blonde hair! And both are short as fuck!”_ Hyunjin exclaims out of nowhere.) and starting to act like each other. It was amusing but also endearing. Felix didn’t even realize that Chris was becoming a daily necessity for him. He’s being dependent on the elder and he was too occupied with keeping the adrenaline everytime he’s with the elder, until one day when they were just chilling inside Chan’s dorm, Chan leaning closer to him to put his headphones on Felix’s head, chuckling as it slips off his ears.

“Your head is so small, and you’re losing so much weight, who are you trying to be pretty for, huh?” Chan teased him, brushing Felix’s fringe off of his forehead, and as the soft beats of the song filled Felix’s head, he made the mistake of shifting his head, gaze locked into the elder’s. Focused on him. His head was filled with Chan’s song, and his heart was filled with.. Chan. He never really thought about it but Chan’s soft chocolate eyes were twinkling as he clicks away some things on his huge screen, his soft pink lips moving as he tries to explain some shit Felix would never understand, his nose scrunching out of habit as his gaze shift from Felix to the screen.

Like this, Felix thinks Chan is beautiful.

_Breathtaking._

Felix had been good, his inner hoe behaving well but right now it tingles as the urge to just grab the elder by his blonde locks and lock his lips with it and taste the lips if it’s as soft and sweet Felix thought it would be.

Felix was suddenly filled with panic, mind not focusing on the song anymore. “I-It’s great.” Felix’s voice was deeper, almost embarrassed as he gives back the headphones to Chan. “Huh? Does it sound bad?” Chan pressed his lips together, eyebrows knitted.

“NO! God, no. Stupid. It sounds perfect!” Felix snapped out of his thoughts, not wanting to upset the elder.

“Oh, okay. Thanks for listening to it, Lix. Tell me what did you felt listening to it?”

Felix let his lips tell lies followed by another lie as he tries to calm himself down at his new revelation.

_He likes chan._

_And he's obviously fucked._

 

**8:56 PM May 8, 2019**

“Cute.” Is what he heard from the elder’s soft pink lips.

“W-what?” Felix blinked, red tinting his cheeks in shame.

“You’re cute.” Chan smiles at him fondly, reaching out to brush his thumb against Felix’s freckles and his heart did a little swoop.

“You’re confusing me, Chris.” Felix admits, gripping onto his shirt tightly.

“You know what, I kinda like you too.” Chris mumbles, his thumb still tracing patterns against the freckles on Felix’s cheeks.

Felix couldn’t say anything, he was far too happy hearing all of this, heart in euphoria.

“I’m not sure yet, but yeah.” Chan snickered, leaning in to press his lips against the younger’s forehead which did not help to the younger’s state as he only blushed a shade darker.

“But I’m confused, Lix.” Chan broke the silence, reaching out for Felix’s smaller hand.

“Huh.” Felix lifts his head in a while, staring at Chan underneath his fringe.

“I don’t want us to change, you know.” He admits, lips pursed and he drops his gaze, mumbling a soft. “Sorry.”

Felix’s felt his heart dropped because _what did he expect._ Felix shakes his head, ignoring the tightening in his chest as he squeezed the elder’s hand reassuringly, voice suddenly small despite how deep it was.

“I’ll will it away, I promise. I’m sorry. It’ll go away, hyung. Promise not to get awkward with me?” Felix reassures, nodding repeatedly as he looks back up at chan.

“Thank you, Felix. You’re the best, and I promise.”

 

**10:54 PM May 16, 2019**

Felix wasn’t dense to know that Chan was doing _something_ and that something is what he’s been dreading for these past couple of days. Chan was doing _something_ and that something was _ignoring_ Felix. Practically erasing Felix from his life and Felix would get a mental breakdown or two because he has been so dependent over Chan he felt like losing half of his life.

He almost laughed at their promise. _Was it even a promise?_ Felix asked himself, toying with the phone in his hand as he waits for Chan’s reply. He takes about an average of 30 minutes to reply compared to his 1 minute response throughout their friendship- or well- their _thing._ Felix felt empty, unable to show his emotions properly as he tried his best not to suddenly start whining at Chan at his day which was a normal thing to them but now Felix is scared.

He’s scared of damaging things further.

He never wants to lose Chan, and even just like this, Felix is getting more fearful with everything.

He calmed himself down, convincing himself that Chan was just busy trying to perfect his tracks again and totally forgot to invite Felix because of how busy he was, not until he receives a notification from his SNS- or Chan’s rather- that he posted something and that’s with a photo of well- hands-held?

Felix squints, confusion written all over his face and he was about to switch to his messages to do a quick teasing of whoever was on Chan’s photo only for Chan to beat him up to it.

**Christopher 11:09 PM**

Hi

Felix

I think

I think I like someone

 

And then suddenly Felix couldn’t breathe, his fingers starting to shake, his eyes stinging and he’s breathing deeply.

 

                                                     **Felix 11:11 PM**

Wbk.

                                                           Congrats.

 

His heart was beating painfully against his chest with every thump, the pain increasing with every thump. Phone laid out in front of him as his gaze focuses on a certain nothing. He should’ve seen this sooner, right? He couldn’t help but feel cold despite the warmth of Seoul creeping under his skin, bringing his knees up to his chest.

 

  **Christopher 11:13 PM**

Omg thanks. I’ll tell you more deets later.

Thought you were asleep?

 

Felix noticed how fast he was replying now and did not help with his certain state at all, and all he could do now was stare at a corner in his room, his body shaking with every painful thump his heart would create, quickly grabbing his phone, Felix types out something like a small “What a day” in his SNS and the text that comes after was what ticked him off further.

**Christopher 11:17 PM**

Hey? Are you okay? What’s wrong?

Feel better soon, bro.

 

_Everything._ Felix thinks, a dull smile on his lips as he rereads the last text sent to him over and over.

Brother huh?

And he knows it’s what he’ll always ever be to Chan.

What he’ll always be to anyone.

and as Felix ignores Chan, half-heartedly shoving his phone to the nightstand, Felix knows he’s had enough, the salty taste of tears on his lips was enough of a sign to.

Because he was clearly putting himself into a game he knows he’ll never win over.

**Author's Note:**

> As you can see the ending is a bit open- but you know what happens to poor Yongbok anyways LMAO. So yeah the fic is based mostly on the song. Heartbreaking enough, hopefully. I hope I made you cry guys lmao. Leave me some comments over how it made you sad, and I might consider writing a fluff next time! Love you baby stays.


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